I’ll be honest, I read a lot of those questionnaires on MySpace and Facebook. I hate them, but I can’t stop doing it. It’s compulsive. I fill them out, too.
Over the last few years, I’ve seen the following question quite often:
“What do you regret most?” (or some variation of this theme)
What do most people answer?
“I don’t regret anything. All the mistakes and experiences I’ve had through my life have contributed to the person I’ve become today.” (or some variation)
I call utter and complete bullshit on these people. I used to think this, too, until I realized it WASN’T TRUE AT ALL. Have I done things that I regret? Hell yes! I wish I could phrase the question this way, “If you could go back and re-live your life, would you do everything the same?” I think it might elicit some different answers.
No, I would not have taken that 4-horsemen shot on my 21 run. No, I would have never tried Wild Turkey. No, I would have never gone on a pity date. No, I would have never tried to be “cool” in high school (what a waste of time that was). Yes, I would have snuck out more often in high school. Yes, I would have spoken my mind more often to my boyfriend over the last four years. And NO, I would NOT have eaten that 3 Musketeers bar last night. What a waste of calories THAT was.
To be honest, I think this answer is pretty standard for people like me, who have fucked up pretty badly, but don’t (or didn’t … past tense for myself) want to admit the folly in our actions. Do I regret ever starting smoking? Yes. I do. Every time I smell cigarette smoke, I want one (bonus if it’s a menthol). I hate that. Can I honestly say that my experience with smoking made me a better person today? No. Not at all. If I’d never smoked, I wouldn’t want a cigarette … ever. The smell of cigarette smoke would be as gross to me as it was before I smoked. Only my experience smoking (God only knows why I started) made that smell alluring.
So, to those of you who would stand on your seriously flawed soapboxes and, with a straight face, tell me you’ve never regretted anything: I call a huge and unyielding “BULLSHIT, SHENANIGANS AND MALARKEY” on you. I will kick that soapbox out from under your ass.