Lexd's Blog

I write about what I want!

WTF is wrong with me April 13, 2009

Filed under: other — lexd @ 8:23 pm

Two weeks ago, I thought I was in a “rut.” Last week, I thought it might have progressed to a “funk.” And now? 

I have no idea what the hell is going on with me.

Every other month or so, I’ll have a few days where nothing excites me. I plod through those days, doing just enough to get by, because I’m usually crazy productive after every one of those streaks. I assumed it was my brain’s way of saying, “You overloaded me again, and now  you have to wait until I’m ready.” In a super dorky Twitter analogy, it’s like my API just gets spent and I have to wait for it to reset. 

Unfortunately, I’m on week #3 of this. And, this is not even work burnout … even cooking and video games (my top two favorite things ever), don’t get me going. I just — flat out — don’t really care about anything right now. 

I’m doing enough to get by at work, but the part of me that really cared about what I’m doing? It’s been silent for 21 days now. I haven’t been on Twitter regularly for a week. I don’t particularly want to do anything but just sit in bed or sleep. I make myself go to the gym, hoping the endorphins will put a dent in whatever is going on in my brain, but it hasn’t really worked so far.

On Thursday, it was really bad, so I tried to explain to the bf what’s going on. He didn’t really know how to respond. I suppose it’s because I’m always so “together,” and he’s never really been in this role before. Even hugs from him, the default panacea, weren’t doing the trick. 

So, I’m still not quite sure what’s going on. The logical part of my brain is saying, “you know, this has gone on for long enough, GBTW” … but the catch-22 is that I can’t even bring myself to care. 

Help? Should I be talking to someone besides my blog about this?

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