Lexd's Blog

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Sensitivities of Living Away from Home July 7, 2009

Filed under: other — lexd @ 1:48 pm
Tags: , , ,

Tomorrow, for the first time since Thanksgiving, I’m flying back to Seattle to see my friends and family.

I got a little more jittery as I typed that sentence, I’ll be honest.

It’s an excited jittery. I was “in charge” of this trip (which is a huge deal for bf, he is such a planner, and relinquishing control was hard for him), and I am proud to say we have less than 6 things planned for the five days we are there. It’s going to be nice to just sit around with my family, play Rockband, bocce ball, BBQ, drink great Washington wine, and hopefully see some friends I haven’t seen in years.

What I’m nervous about is coming back here to Orlando.

My dad and I communicate pretty regularly via email. He tells me about fun meals they’ve made (my family is a big cooking and eating family), my brother’s lacrosse games, my dog, house renovations, the new car they bought, etc etc etc. As you can imagine, for the most part, these emails are full of good things. And, as the time crept by since the last visit I made back home, my selective memory kicked in, and for the last three days, my brain is just full of the great, fun stuff I remember from Seattle.

I know very well that this is selective memory, and that I left Seattle for pretty specific reasons. It’s expensive to live there. The traffic is atrocious, and there are no plans to fix it in the near future (besides tolling 520 … but that bridge is going to fall down before they get anywhere with it). The weather is terrible 9 months out of the year. I hate scraping my car windows. It’s where I was born and raised, and being one of those people who never tried anything else scared the holy hell out of me.

I’m kind of reaching a point, though, where I wonder exactly how much having my friends and family around me will cancel out some of the shitty parts about Seattle. Could I handle crappy weather and terrible traffic, if the family and friends I spent 23 years developing relationships with were within a 1-hour drive?

If you were to ask Mom_D and Dad_D, they’d tell you that I was always the most independent kid. I was ready to GTFO and go to college by 16. I didn’t bat an eyelash at missing lesser holidays with the family when at school. I moved across the country, for God’s sake. So, this confuses me even more.

I really, really REALLY miss my family. I suppose it is as simple as that. I know that when I go visit them, it will be “fun vacation time with family” — which I know would me markedly different than “I live and work in Seattle, and spend time with my family.”  But … would it be worth it? The grass is always greener, as they say … but when it’s seriously cost- and time-prohibitive to see your family, it puts things in a different light.

I know BF throws around the idea of moving home, and then naysays it. But last night, I got pretty upset, and he threw it out there again. I know I always get upset when I visit/leave home (I think before I go, it’s all sorts of nervous energy and an outpouring of emotion that I just stow away in order to be functional down here), and he said we might want to consider moving back … or at least moving closer … if this is how I really feel. I know he’s concerned about me, but I also know that he sort of wants me to take the reins with where we’re moving next. Maybe moving back to the PNW would be a good choice for both of us.

I keep thinking there’s all these other places that I want to live and experience, but I hate only being able to spend 12 days a year with my family … if that.

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