Sky-high right now for some reason. I’m sure it has to do with the fact that I lost four working days last week in a hugely busy and scattered time, thanks to the flu or the norovirus or whatever demon virus it was that set up shop in my body for the week. I haven’t been that sick since college.
And, while my coworkers stepped up to cover my butt, told me to stay offline, and were generally awesome, I can’t shake this feeling of anxiety and insecurity now that I’m back at my desk. Yesterday I felt like crying just because I was unprepared to try to jump back in and manage everything I had rolling. I just lost the rhythm and I just don’t feel as sharp as I did before getting sick … I guess it’s all contributing to the anxious/insecure emotions roiling around.
I’m not kidding … both Sunday night and this morning I absolutely dreaded coming to work. This is so uncharacteristic of my experience lately (and my true feeling toward my job!) that it took me by surprise and really set me off-kilter. Once I get here and get plugging away on things, talk to my coworkers, get coffee (no joke) it’s not bad, but for some reason the anticipation is wrought with negative energy. I actively talk myself through my day, my priorities, and reinforce that I’m good at my job, I’m going to make progress and that I’m not a failure or anything, but it’s a very difficult battle to fight for some reason.
Part of me knows it’s because I’m behind on a project that I’m worried I’ll disappoint with. Dissatisfaction with my progress/status on that project is bleeding into everything else, and maybe it’s amplified because I’m worried about having lost days? Trying to pinpoint the issue here so I can remedy it.