Lexd's Blog

I write about what I want!

Happy Place April 29, 2011

Filed under: life,stress — lexd @ 9:34 pm
Tags: , ,

So, I keep thinking about the “About” page (ugghhh redundancy) on this website, and I realized how this blog has basically turned into my happy place. For some reason, I find myself posting here when things get pretty crazy, and I usually finish the posts feeling at least a little better.

That being said, currently dealing with the following:

  • A) Long-distance relationships are absolutely awful.
  • B) My beloved car got sideswiped (while I was parked, standing next to it) yesterday. Not driveable … extensive damage. Awaiting info from the insurance companies. Carless.
  • C) BF is moving up here in June (officially). I need to get my ass in gear regarding making money, saving money and finding us a place to live.
So, anxiety is pretty high. That being said, there are a few things that are managing to make me happy right now:
  • Looking into getting a wheelchair for my dog. I’m not sure how he’ll take to it, but it will be exciting if he does well with one. He’s still peppy and active, and it’s hard to watch him struggle to get around (when he’s clearly capable and desires to do so). If you have a corgi, like corgis or want to know more, check out Corgi Aid. Potentially one of the most responsive organizations I’ve worked with in a while! It took the rep about 2 minutes to respond to my initial email.
  • Two words: ROYAL WEDDING. I thought I was above getting excited about it, but I happened to be flipping channels today, saw some coverage on E! News, and was hooked. Everyone’s talking about the dress (rightfully so, gorgeous), but the first thing I thought is that Kate Middleton has a beautiful smile. How happy did she look? It made me happy just to watch. If you want the down-and-dirty, may I suggest The Wedinator’s coverage. And, not just because my friend works there, either 🙂
  • Nobody was hurt in the accident, thank goodness. Also, my friend who witnessed the crash CHASED THE CAR DOWN THE ROAD ON FOOT after it didn’t stop post-accident.
  • I am carless, but I am fortunate to have some of the best friends, coworkers and family in the world. There has been no lack of outpouring of support … people offering rides, legal advice, etc.
And, finally, my attempt to find a silver lining in getting hit: That damn dent that I got a week after I bought my car (the only blemish on my vehicle) was on the side that got messed up.
And, although this entire post is kind of “currently loving”, I feel I should do a breakdown anyway:
Currently Loving: The royal wedding (duh), spray tans (!!!), THESE sandals in black (zomg so cute, must have)
image is mine, taken while waiting for the police to arrive. unfortunately, that’s only one view — the other driver collided with the passenger side of my parked car and then scraped all the way along the vehicle. i am nervous to hear the damage estimate. i love that car so much. please send me good thoughts and mojo.

How Do You Slow Down? April 9, 2011

Filed under: life — lexd @ 9:24 pm
Tags: ,

While I’m actually somewhat of a homebody (and I can be obscenely lazy when the mood strikes), I’ve spent the last few months in a whirlwind of activity — particularly after my corporate stint ended. I’m not sure if it’s because my less-than-traditional schedule makes me a little neurotic about what I do with my time or what, but I’ve pretty much been working every single day (even if it’s just a lunch shift). I picked up some shifts at my dad’s office to help him out this last week, which meant I worked from 6:45 am to 2 pm, came home for a power nap and then worked from 3 or 4 to 1 or 2 am. Earlier this week I had to decide between eating or sleeping.

While this week has been a pretty extreme example of how busy I’ve been, it’s fair to say that I usually don’t have a lot of unscheduled time during my days. Even if it’s social time spent hanging out with friends, I haven’t been home lately … at all.

That being said, I had ALL DAY yesterday off, and don’t work until 4:30 this afternoon. When I woke up yesterday morning, I didn’t really know what to do with myself. I’d deep-cleaned my room already this week, cleaned our bathroom, done everything with my taxes except actually PAY them, painted my nails, donated clothes to Goodwill … all of the normal errand-type stuff I usually do was taken care of. Still, it took a good couple hours Friday morning for me to come to terms with the fact that I didn’t have any plans for the day. To further cope, I actually slept for most of the day in front of VH1’s “Top 100 Rock Songs.”

That’s right, I actually slept away my day off. I imagine it was a combination of the following:

  • Feeling less-than-awesome after a night of wine tasting, karaoke and miscellaneous cocktails
  • Legitimately needed to catch up on sleep
  • Anxiety at not having plans. Sleep made the day go by faster.

While the first two are acceptable, the last bullet makes me a little worried. I always considered myself sort of a workaholic, but sleeping away my days off doesn’t really sound like the Lex I thought I knew.

On a slightly related note, I am considering picking up a second serving job at a wine bar in a nearby town. Currently weighing the pros and the cons. Because clearly I need something else on my plate.

Anyway, I guess the point I’m dawdling around here is my inability to be okay with slowing down — even for just 36 hours. Anyone have any coping mechanisms, or am I alone in being this way? I’m okay with being slightly Type A, but this just strikes me as silly.

Currently loving: The Yankees rising to the challenge and putting the Red Sox back where they belong, “Sleepyhead” by Passion Pit, dark chocolate with sea salt 😀

image by dannysullivan


Food for thought October 6, 2010

Filed under: other — lexd @ 11:49 pm
Tags: , ,

For some reason I’m really anxious about things today (and missing BF a lot more than usual). I saw this on Angela’s Oh She Glows, and it helped quiet my nerves and calm me down … especially the first one:

Zuda Yoga Teacher Training – 7 axioms/Universal Truths

1. You are exactly where you are supposed to be
2. Fear and pain are life’s greatest teachers
3. Laughter and play are the keys to the fountain of youth
4. Exercise and rest are the keys to vibrant health
5. Touch and intimacy are basic human needs
6. Everything is impermanent
7. Everything is connected

TBH, reading this again is making me cry. I guess I feel like I work really hard (and I’m worried about something all the time), so to read something like “you are exactly where you are supposed to be” takes some pressure off.

Okay, Roy Halladay just threw a perfect game in the playoffs. Now I’m totally crying.

Currently loving: MLB playoff season!!, making cookies later, getting back into yoga via YogaDownload tonight (hoping it will help my shins!)


FREAKING OUT, MAN August 4, 2010

Filed under: other — lexd @ 4:09 pm
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Okay, so sometimes deep breathing doesn’t always work. Anxiety is at an all-time (we’re talking 25+ years all-time) high right now. We’re re-adjusting the moving contract so I don’t have to worry about cramming our lives into 12 boxes (this was a major relief, seriously, shoot high if you ever have to do this). This is helpful.

What’s stressing me out at this point is money.

BF and I have managed to live a fairly comfortable life over the past 3 years. I wish we could put more money away, but we’re really trying to eat away at our debt.

As of August 1, I am almost maxed out everywhere. In order to pay for this move and to move my car (and to give BF money for bills and pay my own bills), I will be left with not even $50 to my name, one maxed-out credit card, and another card with a cushion of about $300. I’ve already had two freak-out crying sessions today and it’s not even noon yet. I know that these things will get better once I have income again (half of which is already addressed), but this transition period is enough to make me constantly nauseous.

And then, I started to think about people who are in this situation or one worse every single day. I can’t imagine having to function under this level of stress. It’s already making my stomach hurt all the time and making it hard for me to sleep. 😦

Some things that have made me feel better, when I’ve been at my worst:

  • HARD EXERCISE. No joke, I was up at 5:30 AM Monday because I couldn’t sleep (this never happens, you could set a clock to my normal sleep schedule), and so after packing, I took my first hour-long spinning class in three months. It kicked my ass (I was a sweaty mess after), but it made me feel SO much better. Unfortunately I cannot say the same for yesterday’s workout (dead iPod = low drive to push myself). I bet yoga would feel great, too. I should see if I can find my mat. (OVERZEALOUS PACKING MONSTER)
  • WORK EVERYTHING OUT ON PAPER. Not only am I painfully touchy-feely, but I am also painfully visual. So, when BF is talking me through the financial stuff over the next 3 weeks, it only confuses me more and makes me cry (breakdown #1 of today). So, I hung up the phone and set out to work it out myself. I created a weird timeline/payment plan hybrid document that details how much money I’ll have, what I need to do with it, when, so that all my ducks are in a row. Then, I had BF review it. I feel better about things now. I mean, it sucks that I’ll be left with $50 (and 5 weddings to buy presents for! YIKES), but I feel like I have a handle on where things are going.

That being said, time to go to the gym. Lex out.

Currently loving (egads this was hard to come up with today): Happy hour with coworkers at my old job at Gators this evening, BF is meeting with LawyerDad (his) to make some headway with the stupid insurance bills, Heaven in a Glass Smoothie after I work out!


Glutton for punishment July 28, 2010

Filed under: other — lexd @ 3:57 pm
Tags: , , ,

With less than 2 weeks until I board my one-way flight to Seattle, I’m finding myself coming up with all these new ways to handle stress.

As previously mentioned, deep breathing.

BF has started to implement a coping strategy I fondly refer to as  “the worst thing.” Basically, he sits me down when the threat level starts to hit orange and he says:

“Lex, what is the absolute worst thing that could happen if the things that you are worrying about come to fruition?”

At this point, I’m usually borderline-crying, so it takes a minute for me to process his question. And then I answer it as rationally as humanly possible.

Usually, “Our stuff will get broken/it will be more expensive/I didn’t do something right.” (Can you tell I’m freaking out about moving?)

And at that point he says very soothingly, usually while holding my hand (because I am so kinesthetic it’s ridiculous), that it’s just stuff or it’s just money. Clearly I’m already doing the best I can, and that’s all I can expect of myself.

And then he usually follows up with a poorly-timed joke about how if I break his Don Mattingly bobblehead, that he’ll break up with me. But that’s just how he is.

This sort of seems like a “glutton for punishment” strategy, since I’m forcing myself to think about the worst possible scenario. But really, it helps my mind cement consequences — and as far as I’m concerned, once I have a chance to process those, I tend to calm down. Consequences I know about are far better than consequences that I don’t, or that I haven’t taken time to think about. See, I’m a control freak. It’s just how I am. Anyone else?

Also, this is random, but I can almost get into the plow yoga position by myself (I am terrified of hurting my neck, which has made this challenging) — and I’m almost able to get straight up into the supported shoulderstand! I was so proud of myself the other night. 🙂 Also, new favorite pose: FISH. Holy chest opener.

Currently loving: My coworker is in labor, wheee!;  super cute summer wedding dresses from RentTheRunway (which one should I wear to my 3901235r10 August weddings?); sprinting to “Shut Me Up” by Mindless Self Indulgence

this incredibly relaxing photo brought to you by Tony the Misfit


There’s ALWAYS something else July 25, 2010

Filed under: food,other — lexd @ 5:15 pm
Tags: , ,

So I am waist-deep in packing our apartment for the upcoming big move (I’m not sure what “waist-deep” means in terms of packing, but whatever), and I am pretty much swinging back and forth from “I have this under control” to “HOLY SHIT I HAVE TO REVISE THE MOVING CONTRACT AGAIN.”

Like, swinging back and forth every 5 minutes.

I thought it was going to be awesome that BF will still be here after I leave, but it’s starting to make packing really hard. I know I can leave some stuff, but not too much … otherwise he won’t be able to fit it in his car. And, it’s starting to mess with my “if I can’t see it, it must be packed” mentality. Because there’s a lot of stuff still left out. I’m starting to veer into that “JUST FUCKING THROW IT AWAY” crazy-lady mentality.

And by “starting to” I mean “I’m here but don’t want to admit it.” BF poured himself a Jack and coke about an hour ago, and that’s when I knew I was crossing a line. This has got to be taken care of, though.

Anyway, I put this picture from CuteOverload on my iPhone background to take the edge off:

See? It totally helps 🙂

Also, I made myself this seriously incredible shake for lunch. I made it yesterday post-workout, and couldn’t believe how delicious it is, and even the texture … YUM. It’s like a semi-thin delicious milkshake.

Heaven in a Glass

1 frozen banana (I pre-peel a few and just throw them in the freezer for a week)

1 c. plain almond milk

1 level scoop of Designer Whey chocolate protein powder (although any chocolate p. powder would probably work)

1 T. creamy peanut butter (I use a natural one without added sugar)

Put all of the above in a blender and go to town for 20-40 seconds (until it’s mostly smooth). OMG I want another one right now. I may or may not have used my fingers (carefully) to get extra out of the blender. It’s that good. Plus, as far as I’m concerned, it’s a good mix of carbs and protein.


Deep Breathing July 23, 2010

Filed under: other — lexd @ 2:04 pm
Tags: ,

I know, what a stupid title for a post. But seriously, it’s saved my ass over the last couple weeks.

With everything going on at work, at home, in Seattle … it’s been a near-crushing feeling of constant panic for weeks on end. And, at a time in my life when I need things to go well with a minimal amount of attention/pushing, things just keep going wrong.

I’ve been remembering my mantra (“if anything can go well, it will”), which has been helping stem the flow of frustration and (and sometimes anger). But that doesn’t always make it easy to deal with problems as they arise (and as I’m panicking inside).

Instead, I’ve been taking to deep breathing lately. I attribute this mostly to yoga. When something unexpected/unpleasant/annoying happens, I just draw in breath as long as I can through my nose, feel my lungs and diaphragm expand … and then let it out in a big whoosh. It’s kind of noisy, but it really makes me feel better. And that’s what matters right now.

Currently loving: FRIIIIIDAY!, starting work on a new project today and tomorrow, gym date with BF tonight!